Internet Radio show and artlcle by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.

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Last Time on Counseling Lessins, we evoked your Inner Parents and Inner Child to help beat limits you learned. Let them help you.


I tell you the sequence, and then lead Janet through it. You can do your own at the same time or later, and do e-chat us with your experience.

Consider “C,” a conflict you experience relating to me–one that doesn’t involve your real parents.

Fantasize a MODEL MOM, perfect every way. She always cherishes the babe, child, teen and adult within you. She adores your fantasy father and reacts always with archetypal maternal wisdom.

Portray her; tell your traits.

Tell your child (you) how you feel toward him or her.

Counsel your child how to relate to “C”. Hold the child close and let him or her feel your love, absorb your clarity.

Then change back to you and get Mom’s gifts.

Picture PERFECT POP–wise, warm, fair, protective, encouraging. He adores the child in you and worships your ideal mother.

Act him. Describe your qualities. Tell your child how you feel toward him or her.

Advise your child on Conflict C. Hold him or her and your ideal wife. Help your model mate convey compassion, strength and understanding to your child.

Picture your HIGH SELF illuminating you and your ideal parents.

Fuse with your High Self; beam light and love to the ideal parents and their beloved child (you).

Play you again and get the love, blessings and wisdom Your High Self and your Ideal Parents give you.

Imagine your Ideal Parents enter the safe, warm room in your heart where your Inner Child dwells. There, they nurture the Child, who continues to grow.

This week, deal with Conflict C with the wisdom you gained from your Ideal Parents, High Self and Inner Child.


VOICES DEVELOP As baby and little kid you needed parents’ love to live, get along and feel okay. You imprinted neediness. Your Inner Child, a subself, stays needy forever.

The Child feels things with its heart, remembers everything it felt. It stays sensitive.

The Child gives or retracts warmth as you relate to people. It says who you can trust. It says to leave painful situations you can’t change.

Your Child can feel insecure. Other people can scare, shame or hurt it. The Child needs protection.

So you develop PROTECTIVE VOICES to make people like–or not hurt–you. Protective voices say how to get what you want. They say what to do and what to avoid so people–especially your family–won’t scorn, shun, neglect, punish or abuse you.

Protective voices may hide vulnerable and instinctual voices–hurt, selfish, sexual and angry voices. If parents disliked your infantile, psychic, spiritual, creative or archetypal voices, you may inhibit or hide these voices from other people. You may even repress them from your own awareness. Then you project hidden and unconscious voices and react with discomfort or envy when you see them in other people. If you repress your emotional, sexual, angry or spiritual subs, you see lovers as weak, lusty, aggressive, artistic or saintly and feel contemptuous, jealous or envious.

Protective Voice Development Example:  At age 5, my Inner Critic saved me from Dad’s anger and won me his approbation. But first, I experienced his anger. When I saw Mom nursing my baby sister, I felt jealous, for I’d only been bottle fed. Mom covered her breast and said, “Don’t stare. Shelley’s a girl, so I can just cuddle her because she’s just going to marry someone and doesn’t need to study like you. Now go study your verb wheel.

I hated baby Shelley. When I thought No one saw, I sneaked into her room and twisted her foot. She cried. Dad ran in. “Don’t hurt your little sister. Make nice to her; pet her like you pet your kitty,” he commanded.

A few days later, no one guarded the baby so I again went to scare and hurt her.  But before I got her, in my own head I replayed Dad’s command, “Don’t hurt the baby.” This inner voice, my Inner Critic, criticized me internally before I hurt her. It let me know internally that if I acted out my Jealous Voice’s impulse, my vulnerable Inner Child would experience fear and hurt from Dad’s anger. The Critic converted what would have been an attack to a love gesture. Rather than hurt Shelley, I stroked her hair. She smiled. As our eyes met, we fell in love.

My parents noticed and praised my behavior toward Shelley. My Critic saved me from disapproval and won me praise. Thus do protective voices develop.

If your parents encourage you to assert yourself, enjoy sex, do art and express spirituality, your Aphrodite, Artist and Saint can also contribute to, or even rule you. You show the voices your rearers revere (and maybe your Reasoner, Pleaser, Jealous voice and Conservative Selves) to other people and to yourself. The selves you think you are and ones you show others are your primary selves.

Primary selves help you minimize or even forget you feel vulnerable, scared, insecure, hurt. You forget you feel angry, sexy, creative or spiritual–you may forget your shadow and you forget your Child.

On this show, we’ll help you remember but not be controlled by your Inner Child, and you’ll learn to recognize, accept and coordinate the needs of Inner voices you’ve suppressed and integrate them into an ecology that works for you and those you love.


Copy of voicescartoon




Stone, H. & S.

  • Stone, H., Embracing Heaven and Earth. Devorss & Co, 1985. – ISBN 0-87516-547-8
  • Stone, H., Stone, S., Embracing Each Other: How to Make All Your Relationships Work for You. Delos Publications, 1989. – ISBN 1-56557-062-6
  • Stone, H., Stone, S., Embracing Our Selves: The Voice Dialogue Manual. Nataraj Publishing, 1993. – ISBN 1-882591-06-2
  • Stone, H., Stone S., Embracing Your Inner Critic: Turning Self-Criticism into a Creative Asset. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1993. – ISBN 0-06-250757-5
  • Stone, S., Stone, H., You Don’t Have to Write a Book!. Delos Publications, 1998. – ISBN 1-56557-060-X
  • Stone, S., The Shadow King: The Invisible Force That Holds Women Back. Backinprint, 1998. – ISBN 0-595-13755-5
  • Stone, H., Stone S., Partnering: A New Kind of Relationship. New World Library, 2000. – ISBN 1-57731-107-8
  • Stone, H., Stone, S., (Editing & Reflections by Dianne Braden), “THE FIRESIDE CHATS with Hal and Sidra Stone” Delos Publications, 2011 – ISBN 978-1-56557-039-9


Hal & Sidra Stone youtube


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